


Semper Fidelis

by zarabithia



Category: Justice League & Justice League Unlimited (Cartoons)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-29
Updated: 2006-05-29
Packaged: 2019-03-09 14:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13483653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarabithia/pseuds/zarabithia
Summary: John didn’t want to be destiny’s puppet. He hadn’t fully considered the ramifications of that vow.





	Semper Fidelis

**Author's Note:**

> a/u as hell if you consider the comics canon.

John swore he wouldn’t be destiny’s puppet. 

In the days following the absorbatron incident, that became a hard vow to keep. Even while he felt the relief caused by the weight of indecision leaving his shoulders, a new burden moved in. His nights were plagued with dreams of racing across a desert paradise alongside a laughing queen and of withering beneath a silken canopy while the queen’s feathers tickled his naked flesh. He dreamt of a warrior son who bore his father’s build, his mother’s temper and both parents’ complexions. 

When morning broke, the first thing John saw was Mari’s face sleeping peacefully beside him. The immense sense of loss that he felt from losing the visions in his dreams felt like a betrayal to the woman beside him, so John tried to forget the vivid images that had haunted his sleep.

After all, he didn’t want to be destiny’s puppet.

When Carter first became a member of the Justice League, John once again felt his resolve begin to slip. The jealousy and suspicion John felt as Hawkman and Hawkgirl began taking more missions together seemed to be validated as their movements grew closer in sync. John watched the harmonic battle movements, tried to ignore all the rumors and innuendos, and instead attempted to appreciate two warriors so devoted to their craft that they could work so easily together.

But he also knew that no amount of training could put two people in such close compatibility. He recognized the flow of their movements as the kind that came from spending off time together, going to bed and waking up together. . . John knew that’s where the movements came from because he _remembered_ when his own relationship with Shayera had undergone a similar transformation. John tried not to focus on how out of sync they were these days, because that only made him think of horses racing through the desert. He didn’t want to think about desert paradises.

Because he _wouldn’t_ be destiny’s puppet.

If he had received an invitation to their wedding, John believed his resolve would have crumbled long before the actual wedding had taken place. While he wasn’t sure exactly what results the crumbling of his resolve would have produced, he was left with the sinking feeling that . . . _something_ would have been different . . . somehow, an advanced warning would have given him time to _prevent_ it.

But no invitation came, because in stark contrast to the lavish wedding Mari kept hinting at, Shayera’s nuptials to Carter were low key. From a brief moment, when word of their marriage first reached John - through an uncharacteristically serious Wally West - John immediately thought of the absorbatron and the "life" that his "counterpart" had led. It had been an awful existence of wanting a woman that belonged to another man, and from where John was sitting, this life had merely repeated the mistakes of the old one. 

How could that have happened, when John had been so determined not to be destiny’s puppet?

Unlike John, Carter seemed determined to correct past mistakes. Twelve months after their marriage, Shayera and Carter welcomed a son. 

A _son._

John didn’t know whether Thangarian and Human DNA was compatible enough to create a child without help, or if they’d needed assistance in producing their offspring. If they _had_ needed help, it was certainly readily available. With the League’s medical resources, it was likely a person could successfully mate a chair with a jellyfish, if they wanted.

A _son._

He tried not to think about the son that he had once known, in the destiny that he had thrown away.

But not thinking about Rex became increasingly difficult as Shayera and Carter’s happiness continued to grow at the same rate as little Hector. Meanwhile, Mari grew tired of waiting for a wedding that she had finally realized would never take place. 

On the day that Mari left for good, John sat alone on the bed in his apartment, without a wife, without a son, and wondered what type of destiny he’d painted himself into.

Five years after Hector’s birth, John wondered the same thing while staring down at Shayera’s grave. He didn’t pay attention to the service being held in her honor, the words of friendship being offered by fellow leaguers, the outrageous marble statue, or even the sorrow on Carter Hall’s face.

But John did hear the sorrow in Hector Hall’s plaintive sobs. _//"Dad?"//_  
  
He did feel Batman’s hand on his shoulder, a small slice of comfort from a man who knew _exactly_ what John had lost. //" _If you’re so sure of that, why are you still with Vixen?"//_

He did think of Warhawk, a child that was never born and a man whose life John had taken. _//"Plant your feet."//_

He did think of every kiss, every touch, every gasp, every moan, and every want he’d ever shared with Shayera. _//"I love you. That was never a lie."//_

He did think of every disagreement, every spat, every miscommunication, and every argument he’d ever shared with Shayera. _//"What else could it mean?"//_

He did think of how he’d lived his life trying to escape the trap of being destiny’s puppet. He did realize that in doing so, every decision he’d made had been a reaction to a predetermined past or possible future, thereby making his vow hypocritical and foolish. _//"I’m staying with Vixen."//_

On the night following Shayera’s memorial service, old dreams once again haunted John’s sleep. He was again plagued with dreams of loving a woman that was married to another man. He again dreamt of a warrior son who had been murdered by his own father. 

When dawn came, John woke up alone. The pain of losing Shayera not just once, but twice, kicked in, and John allowed himself to dwell briefly on what a lonely old man he had become, and how very different that could have been, if he had allowed Shayera and Rex to become part of his life.

He hadn’t wanted to be destiny’s puppet.

It looked like destiny was having the last laugh. 

 

 


End file.
